2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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