You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
