i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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