Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drake has all the answers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
