the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
