OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
