Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
