You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
