I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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