wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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