I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
