When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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