There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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