I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize