i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
