But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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