there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
