Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
