I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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