Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
