In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
