Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
