my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so much tequila, so little girl.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
