This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
