We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you win again, gameday.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
