You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
