shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
