Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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