So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
