i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
