I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no you cant smoke seaweed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
