Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
