is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
