Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
