You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
