I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
