Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I understand Curling. That high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
