his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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