She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
