Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
