Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
