He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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