I can tuck mytits in my pants
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
