Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were trust falling into bushes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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