The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
