Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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