absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize