I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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