Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
