Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
