this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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