shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
