we're blogging at a bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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