Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
