Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
