hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
