Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
