I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
