Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
