Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
