I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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