I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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