OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
