We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
