guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Boobs speak an international language.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
