who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
