Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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