The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
