Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
