My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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