You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
