Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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