you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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