This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize