on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
