well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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