i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
