I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like his penis was on wheels.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
