Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
